Monday, December 13, 2010

Rant 4: Uhuhuh, stab city and other tedious non-statements...

What a way to kick off the rebirth of "the war against stupidity" with a rant and a rave...

So enough with the shit, lets get cracking...

First of all, as many of you good people know, I'm a born and bred son of the Shannonside city, Limerick (although I live in the deep south of the country these days), I still have huge ties to Limerick, and have fond memories of the place and a few not so fond memories of the place...but thats just anywhere really, every city has its plus points and minus points and the old country has its fair share of both.

However, and call me tribal if you dare, it really does burn me up when people choose to focus on only one aspect of Limerick and rather than spell it out, I'll show you this clip...

Yeah, hahahahahaha, stabby stabby robby robby, hooo yeah, Limerick is a place where even cartoon infants aren't safe from the Limerick disease, ahahahahaha, yeah, right on, Jackson, you fucking nailed it.


Seriously though, ladies and gentlemen, is that all you think of when you think of Limerick? Knives, pick-pockets, etc? Is this the perception that people both at home and abroad have of my city?

Now, it's time for a reality check....

1. Most of the people who rag on the old city have never been there and have never spent any time there.

2. There is a lot more to Limerick that meets the eye...we have a great local music scene, some great spots to go out in (well, maybe one or two, but they happen to be first-class in my opinion...)

3. The likelihood of you getting stabbed or robbed in Limerick is slim. Very slim, really. I'm not saying that it doesnt happen, because it does every once in a while...I'd like to stress the "once in a while" thing, it very rarely happens.

4. Family Guy is shit. Personal opinion and clearly subjective.

5. Limerick people or at the very least the ones that I could be bothered to stay in regular contact with are amongst the friendliest, most direct people in this country and without a doubt, the most dedicated towards having a good time. See for yourself, visit Baker's or any establishment in the city or a Limerick house-party and you will see hedonism on a grand scale.

6. Limerick folk are the kind of people that wouldn't think twice about calling you an idiot and telling you to cop on to yourself if you were acting the bollocks, but they're also the sort of people that would give you the shirt off their back if you found yourself in times of need. We're rough around the edges but we care about the people we love.

7. There is more to Limerick than crime or violence...those aspects are merely just a minor detail in the hearts and minds of those of us who have spent more than 5 minutes in the place.

So instead of Limerick taking a beating all the time, here's an idea, and heh, allow me to quote myself...

It'd be hilarious if someone put together a video of Stewie getting stabbed with a syringe full of heroin or else spending a few hours in the A&E after getting beat up by some prick for not wearing the same school's rugby jersey as all the goys down the battle cruiser, roysh, (Family Guy goes to Dublin) or else Stewie getting the ear talked off him by some cunt with a stupid sing song voice about "how its grate down here, bai, like" (Stewie in Cork) or a video of Stewie vomiting blood in the Spanish Arch surrounded by bottles of Buckfast (Stewie goes to Galway)...

Now, just before anyone gets offended by that, let me just say that I've met some of the best people in the world in Dublin and have had many good times up there (August of this year and October in particular), I currently study and live in Cork and have had some fantastic times down here (probably helped by the fact that my housemates are mostly Limerick guys, hahaha, although the vast rank and file of Cork folk are actually heroes, silly accent notwithstanding), have had many a drunken night in Galway and yes, I have puked all over the Spanish Arch after drinking too much Buckfast.

I've said this once and I'll say it a thousand times and I'll keep saying it 'till people are blue in the face from hearing it, though its often all too conveniant to mock Limerick people or our supposed criminal gangs that apparently hold our city to ransom (bullshit, kids), remember this, perception isn't reality, Limerick is no more or less shit than any other city in this country but its far better and far safer than you'd possibly ever think.

A lot more goes on here than meets the eye. Come here some time and shock horror you might actually learn something about the place, maybe even enjoy yourself. It has been known to happen.

Therefore, give it a rest or at the very least, open your windows and take a look outside at where you are and then try and tell me that the place you live in is paradise...

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Uh...dees mah sheet.

Hey you guys...

Pardon the distinct lack of updates in recent times, I've been busy as sweet jaysusin' fuck in recent weeks thanks to college projects and assignments rearing their head and fucking with my shit but thats the price we have to pay.

I haven't forgotten about this place and hopefully, neither have any of you.

In the meantime: news...we may be migrating onto the Drop D server soon so when the time comes, I'll fill you all in with the details...

In the meantime, the war against stupidity continues and your frontline soldier will continue to brave the danger.

Fare you all well

Yours in procrastination

Sunday, October 24, 2010

A luta continua: rant 3

I've been railing against fairly inconsequential things for the last while so pardon me if I change tack and point some well deserved weaponry at the heart of the government of our blessed isle...

THE DÁIL has voted to give itself next Tuesday off. The vote – which came on foot of a proposal by Tánaiste Mary Coughlan, in the absence of the Taoiseach – was passed by 71 votes to 18, with the Fine Gael members abstaining and Labour and Sinn Féin in opposition. The Dáil, which usually sits from Tuesday to Thursday, will now be in recess until Wednesday after it concludes today’s business. A government press release said the cabinet would meet on Bank Holiday Monday and all day on Tuesday.

Sourced from - original url

Now, the current government of Ireland has gone down in record as being one of the worst that has ever ruled this nation, what with our Taoiseach, Brian "Biffo" Cowen embarassing us all in the eyes of the world media by making a drunken idiot of himself on a radio interview, the rather fascistic closing of the head shops, the mismanagement of the economy, the mismanagement of the health service, the appropriation of public funds in order to fund cabinet members transport, make up and food and drink bills...the list goes on.

Instead of actually trying to fix the manifold fuck ups that have come about since the 30th Dáil began their reign in 2007, they decide to give themselves another day off. I almost admire the sheer chutzpah and brazen cheek as they continue to pat themselves on the back for a "job well done", but anywhere else in the world this would almost spawn riots on the street.

In Greece a few months ago, the ordinary people rose up in protest against what the government was doing there in relation to the global economic crisis and many of the banners bore the legend "we are not the Irish"...what did we do...sweet fuck all except whinge and moan.

Now, I'm not that much of a revolutionary by any stretch of the imagination but when I hear about those kind of situations taking place in other parts of Europe, where people have displayed discontentment at how their elected leaders have been treating them, then it really does irk me.

This mismanagement of our country needs to stop and the cute hoors that are no doubt laughing at their taxpayers need to be removed before this country goes the way of a failed state.

Yours in vengeful commentary


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Ahahaha: No. 2

With thanks to one Steve Hunt for bringing this to my attention...

A brief lesson detailing how Lady Gaga "writes songs".

Funny thing about this video is that this is the kind of shit that it (it being Lady Caca) actually mutters everytime it opens its mouth. Yer one behind the video actually nailed the parody to the point where even she became just as unreasonably obnoxious as the real thing.

Urgh urrrrrrrrrrrgh urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, what the fuck, robot duck, etc.

An explosion of emotion? My shite.

If there is any point to be reached after this short and not entirely sweet burst of venom, it is this...

Lady Caca = the personification of stupidity in this modern age.

Your voice of unrestrained and sometimes unfocused bile against all that is shit

Rant number 1:

I hate Glee. There. I said it. Before people get their knickers in a twist and scream "you meanie, how dare you dislike glee, its the greatest thing on television since Family Guy (another rant for another day)", I'll just sum it up in the following fashion...

My reasons for disliking Glee are as follows:
1. Its a pseudo-edgy version of High School Musical.
2. Autotune.
3. Their versions of classic songs are akin to taking a huge, hard, whiskey-fuelled dump on the Shroud of Turin.
4. Their "gay" character is an insult to all intelligent homosexual men by playing up to the stereotype of a mincing, prancing diva. Seriously, very few gay men behave in such a fashion, I know plenty and I'd imagine that they're extremely insulted by his camp histrionics.
5. This is the main one...none of the characters appeal to me or have any gravitas in my life.

However, rest easy Gleeks (seeing as thats what you lot call yourselves), this is where the pointed invective towards the show comes to a halt.

My major issue is the fact that a few weeks ago in the events guide for incoming students to my place of education (Cork institute of Technology/Institiuid Teicneolaiochta Chorcaí), there was a huge advert concerning a "Glee tribute act".

Now pardon me for being a pedantic fuckwit, but dig there anything else out there more redundant than a tribute to a covers act?

I'll set the scene...

Imagine a covers band by the name of The Unoriginals, tooting out all the party favourites that some of us despise, and more of us lap up like the sheep that some of us indeed are...well imagine they had a serious bust up because the cymbalom player was fucking the lead triangle player's other-half whilst the guitarist ended up getting pissed off at the theremin player for ripping him off in a mephedrone deal and they all decide to part ways...

Now imagine a bunch of jackasses called The Unoriginal Unoriginals performing the same tired covers in tribute to the covers band, aping their stage moves and predictable banter.... "ah lads, waaaaaaaaaay, we're all drunk, waaaaaaaaay, this is a song that The Unoriginals used to do, its a U2 cover, etc."

Something here doesn't quite add up.

I was all for schlepping along to said "gig" with a cardboard sign bearing the simple legend "redundant" with an arrow pointed at the entrance, but by the looks of things, that time has passed me by...

Ah well, next time it happens, I'll hire out a camera crew and post the pictures up here for all to guffaw at.

Yours in righteous indignation


p.s. I'm aware that Glee is highly popular over here at this moment in time and people seem to lap it up good-oh, but, it may be a household name, but rubbish is also a household name, and it stinks just as much.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Slight change in programming...

This is far from being stupid
as a matter of fact, this is fucking brilliant.

So many silly people bought this hook, line and sinker.

The chaps involved deserve awards for services to public taste and decency.

It begins...

Test posts are stupid.

You hate them, I hate them, let's be frank, they're quite unreasonably dire.

They can be necessary sometimes, however, and this situation calls for tentative movement before we unleash a torrent of righteous indignation aimed at the vacuous, the ignorant, and well, anything out there that causes us to throw our arms aloft in the world and scream our indignation to the heavens above.

Something along those lines.

A summary of the blog: A mostly humorous, sometimes deathly serious account of my personal quest to highlight and rail against idiocy and stupidity in all its forms.

Some content may be considered unsuitable for the easily offended or those who are weak of bladder. I apologise for nothing but I do promise that it will be hilarious.

Your crusader against all things stupid
James Fitzgerald